Thanks to a co-worker

Thanks so much for the uplifting talk yesterday. It meant a lot to me. When I got home my wife was in an extremely good mood. Basking in her happiness was like sitting in the sun. But it was bittersweet. I knew her spirits were so high because she's actually leaving today. I couldn't sleep and I wrote a long note trying to find some way to tell her how much I love her and what being a father means to me. It was full of overblown hyperbole and ridiculously complex arguments. To make the regression to junior high complete, I hid the note in her change purse where she won't find it until she's at least an hour into her drive.

I'm not sure if I ever mentioned this but my father was a complete fool in every possible way. We were separated a year after I was born. I always looked forward to his visits -- but in a mean hearted way because I knew he felt obligated to spend as much cash as he could on me. Every now and then he would have a complete emotional break down and he'd sobbingly tell me how much he loved me. I found it embarrassing. I did care for him and I tried to be kind. But I didn't understand and I really didn't try. I was just a little too cynical and smart for a kid. In the back of my head I felt that if my father was really being honest, he'd do one simple thing -- be there. And he just wasn't. He died suddenly when I was fourteen. I hadn't seen him in a year and when my mother told me I remember being shocked, just shocked that I was crying.

I know I won't screw things up the way my father did but the whole situation is scary nonetheless. Thanks for trying to make it less so.